我舍不得

好像越长大就越不容易伤心，遇到的人多了就越容易释怀。

昨晚我梦见自己喝酒去了，场景是我常常梦到的那个，在那条街上我总是在奔跑或是寻找，这一次，我在这条街坐上了一辆巴士。我抱着电脑坐在巴士上，下车的时候却把电脑包包落在车上，于是我又奔跑了起来。我拿到了包包，就去了一家很小的店吃饭，我说老板，给我下一碗面吧。这个时侯，店里的人渐渐多了起来，他们渐渐变成了我熟悉的人，我们坐在一起，我不怎么说话，但我记得当时的气氛还是蛮好的。我说我想要一杯水，一个男生要了一杯淡淡的饮料，可是端上来却是一杯酒，说是茅台（显得不是那么烂漫了哈，为什么不是鸡尾酒什么的，哈哈）。他们喝了几口，酒就到我这儿，没什么人注意我，我就慢慢把剩下的半杯酒全部喝掉了。梦里居然有醉掉的晕呼呼的悲伤感觉。我不爱喝酒，想喝酒的时候多半是心情很糟糕的时候。喝多了就会多起来呜呜的哭。但是其实每次我都没有喝醉，我都是很清醒的，只是脚步有点飘，心理防线有点崩溃。我在哭，却不知道为了什么哭，只是觉得很悲伤，很悲伤。而现在不愿意轻易喝醉了，连酒都不怎么喝了，最近一次喝酒是因为晚上睡不好，喝了点葡萄酒来安眠。
Last night, i dreamt that i went to get some drink. The plot was a familar one- i always ran or tried to find something in that street of my dream. This time, i took a bus. I left my laptop bag in the bus then i started to run after the bus. I got my bag and went to a small restaurant. I said to the cook:"I want noodle please." Then, the restaurant became crowed and i seemed happen to know these people. I asked for a glass of water and didnt get it and a boy wanted a light drink but came a Chinese Maotai--a kind of strong white wine. He drank it and the rest was passed to me. Nobody noticed me so I drank it. I even felt i was a little bit dizzy in the dream. I dont like alcohol and it is only because i want to get myself drunk to ease my saddness. Then after i have had too much alcohol, i will hide myself and weeping--it is kind of funny--i know i am not drunk but i just feel rly rly sad. I dont drink now , nothing good to get drunk for it helps nothing. The most recent drink is half glass of red wine i used to get myself a sound sleep--only some sip and is nice and healthy.

梦的结尾不记得了，是不是在那边很悲伤的哭，我估计大抵是没有的。我记得的最后一个场景是我对小白说：我最近把被子搬到你的床铺上睡了，不知道你提前回来，今天我估计要喝醉了，没办法帮你收拾了。
I dont remember how my dream ended-- was i crying saddly in dream? i guess not. The last scene i remember was I was saying to my girlfriend Bai:" I moved to your dorm these days and i dont know you will come back beforehand. I think i am gonna drunk today and i dont think i could help you to remove my thing away from your bed...."

然后我似乎就突然醒了。醒来发现昨晚睡前忘记脱掉的睡衣居然不知道什么时候自己脱掉了，心里还吓了一跳，就一下子醒了。
Then i woke up suddenly, to find i had took off my pyjamas--(in dream) and got shocked a bit and felt wide awake.

最近又开始能记得梦境，不过都是很家常的梦。偶尔也梦见自己醒了，似乎灵魂出窍一般。
I can recall my dream again recent but were all ordinary dreams. Sometimes i dreamt i had awake -- just like the soul had left me--astral trip it is called.

越长大就越容易释怀吗？我知道自己会舍不得，伤心还是控制不住，但是嘴硬的功夫却原来越好，我那么说，多说几次，自己就会以为自己的心意是真的如自己所说的那样吧。遇到许多人后，对他们能长久的存在你身边的念想渐渐弱了。也许一开始的时候还会伸手出来，但是渐渐的却只会在原地摆出微笑的表情。每次喜欢上一个人的时候就会爱很爱，爱到不能再多一点爱，后来知道要失去了，“可是能怎么办呢？”“唔，你看，没办法，真的没方法。”“那好吧。”我知道，人总是不愿意改变，起码我是这样的，不是说不改变生活，而只是希望身边的人，不要失去。接纳一个人了，就觉得他什么都是好的，就算有缺点，也完全视而不见，C说我是很多情的，是的，我很容易动情，不论是男孩子，还是女孩子，有时候就情不自禁的喜欢上了，但这种感觉是属于自己的，是自己心里的默默的喜欢,不需要互动，互动或者还会破坏这种美好的感觉。

is it easier to let go after growing up? No. i know i am still reluctant and could not stop being sad.

写了这些乱七八糟的东西，我自己却迷糊了。不知道为什么，明明知道这是自己的博客，明明知道就算被看到也是没什么关系，但是每次写的时候，却很害怕说出自己心中的那一段主题。
After writing all this messes, i got confused myself. I don't know why, i know it is my blog and it does not matter if anyone come to read it . But whenever i am writing it, i am afraid to write down what i really want to say.

其实很简单，以上的完全都是无关紧要的废话，其实只是这样一件事请:　我喜欢上了一个人，也许我要失去他了，我很伤心，但是我还是装出没关系的样子。我不知道要和谁说这样的事，因为在别人眼里看来，这也许是离奇的，无法理解的，不值一提的。他们不会认为那可以算是一段感情，而现在我自己却也怀疑了。
It is very simple: erase all the silly sentimental part, the rest is like this: I fall in love with someone and now i think i am gonna to lose him. I am sad but pretending i am ok. I dont know to whom i could tell about my story for they wont like to listen to this, it is not worth giving spare mind to it--they will reply like this, well, they wont consider it is sort of real love and now i begin to doubt too.

Honey , you said nothing will gonna take you away from me. We Will be together.
I love you.