近一个月都没有工作，每天在办公室昏昏欲睡。 爸爸妈妈弟弟来北京，本来是很开心的事情，可是这几天也让他们受了不少委屈。我做的不对，做的不够好。
We should be happy. I dont know what to say. I wanna cry. I could not write down the details because i am afraid recalling it in the future. That is me. I never wrote down sad things for i am fearing reading those memories. Beijing is experiencing the hottest summer in history and so i am experiencing a tough feelings.
I feel tears are going to burst out when standing in front of my family. I wanna hold their hands and tell them how much i love them how much i want to devote to them. But what they saw is a pity me--a thin weak girl who sturggling in beijng with little salary.
They dont accept my "love". They feel sad when i am paying for them. In their eyes i can never grow up -- unless i earn "100...00000"
But i cant wait. I dont even know when can i earn so much money. But i cannot wait -- since my grandma passed away i just realize that i cant wait any more.
I want to devote to you, now, at this moment and till i die. Although my salary is not high, with good arrangement i could still live a good life. I know money is not the only way to express my love, but u know i love you and now spend money on u is the only way that i could do.
Am i pathetic?
yes i think so